Monday, December 24, 2012

Same Old Lang Syne by Dan Fogelberg

Christmas Rocks at The Lost Soul of Rock and Roll. I have to go to the grocery store today, so I hope Dan Fogelberg is not stalking me in the frozen foods section. The song of the day for December 24, 2012 is ‘Same Old Lang Syne’ by Dan Fogelberg. This song was released in 1980 as a single.

Why is ‘Same Old Lang Syne’ on the holiday station? This is a creepy stalker anthem that is just as bad as the sexual predator classic, 'Baby, It's Cold Outside'. The one by Dean Martin has a Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs kind of vibe. .

Let’s examine the god-awful song that is 'Same Old Lang Syne'. Dan Fogelberg’s at the grocery store on Christmas Eve and notices his ex shopping for frozen food. He sneaks up behind her and touches her on the sleeve. I’m no Casanova, but why take the creepy route, when he could have walked up to her and said, “Look babe, the Fogelberger is in the meat section, if you know what I mean.”

For Fogelberg and his ex lover, it’s an awkward reunion. They stand in line waiting for their groceries to be bagged and decide that Christmas Eve is the best time to go get a drink to reminisce about the good old days. Maybe Fogelberg has some “bagging” on his mind. You old dog you, Fogelberg.

Back in my college days, I was at a liquor store with a friend deciding if we should shell out the extra five bucks for the After Shock shot set instead of the regular bottle of After Shock. Well, he see’s his old lover at the liquor store and decides not to “stole behind her” in order to “touch her on the sleeve”. He had something of a meltdown, purchased the After Shock shot set, and ended up drunk out of his mind.

Fogelberg and his ex lover try to find a bar, but it is Christmas Eve, and the bars are closed. Can someone cue ‘The Bar Is Closed’ by Wesley Willis? I’m calling bullshit on Fogelberg, because you can find an open bar on Christmas Eve. There are millions of miserable people out there looking to drown their sorrows. Fogelberg may have done a half ass job on purpose because he purposes buying a six pack of beer and drinking it in her car. All I can say is, “Nicely played, Mr. Fogelberg”.

The ex informs Fogelberg that she married an architect but is not in love with him. Scrap the Wesley Willis and play Kanye’s ‘Gold Digger’. I wonder if the architect was at home worried about his wife. Maybe they were throwing a party and she was supposed to purchase some frozen margarita or pina colada mix. When she doesn’t show, he runs to the bedroom, finds his pistol, clicks the hammer, and says, “Not this time, Fogelberg”.

While Fogelberg and the ex pound some brews they decide to “drink a toast to innocence” and “drink a toast to now”. Forget the toasting and seize the day, Fogelberg.

Fogelberg discovers that the ex is familiar with his musical career. How many Dan Fogelberg’s have you met in your lifetime, lady? I wonder if the ex was pissed that she dumped the weird singer-songwriter dude from college for the architect. She didn’t know that Dan would rule the airwaves with ‘Leader of the Band’. Fogelberg admits to the ex that he loves his fans but hates touring. Let’s cue ‘Turn The Page’ by Bob Seeger and the Silver Bullet Band.

So now we come to the portion where we wonder where the encounter is going. A co-worker once asked me about the outcome of the song and said, “Does Fogelberg hit that?” You too may have wondered about this and it doesn’t happen. They kiss and Fogelberg watches his lady drive away into the night.

We have a song title that makes a reference to ‘Auld Lang Syne’ and a song that takes place on Christmas Eve. There’s nothing about Jesus, Santa Claus, Grandma’s house, silver bells, or Burl Ives. It’s about a guy trying to booze up his ex for a night of hanky panky. Call me a liar. You don’t sit in a car with your ex and a six pack. That’s a recipe for regret.

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